Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in pfilth666's LiveJournal:

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Friday, June 4th, 2004
9:17 am	Yesss. Excelllent. the mistriss is beginning to treat me well again.... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
11:36 pm	Oh fuck. I don't want to sleep alone tonight. My thoughts and dreams are fixated upon her...... You dumb bastard. Well, hope for the best, expect the worst. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 30th, 2004
11:51 am	Wow. Just, fucking, wow. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 29th, 2004
2:28 am	Whoooops...... I think tonight I became fixated. Usually that means I am setting myself for disapointment. But I swear she blushed.......... (Comment on this)
Friday, May 28th, 2004
1:11 am	I want to play, but there is'nt anyone here to play with...... Current Music: Opeth - Death Whispered a Lullaby (5:49) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
11:20 am	I said godamn. How many girls must I lust after at any given time? All of them! Shouldn't have slept next to her last night, cuase now I'm going to be reminded by her scent all fucking day. >sigh< Fuck biology. Current Music: Front Line Assembly - Transmutator (4:55) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 24th, 2004
10:01 pm	The lightning is fucking beautiful tonight. Most inspirational day in a fucking while. Remembered i have a mistress and anticipating her ever demanding company soon, it's about fucking time the slut showed her face again....... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 21st, 2004
6:28 pm	Yeah, i think you're right sis. I think all i am looking for is someone to fall in love with. Problem is i ain't dug out the rusty shards of the last shank i fell on.... To this day remembering her still makes me want to vomit. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
11:33 am	gawd i am a fookin moron :P (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 15th, 2004
10:02 am	Well, I woke up this morning. I'm alive and not kicking nearly enough. If one more person talks to me about leigh, cass or andy, I'm gonna rail them in the fucking teeth. There's a goddamn reason I got those people the fuck out of my existence. I want to fucking keep it that way. I can't fucking handle the thought of how I've let myself be manipulated and used becuase of my honor, It's what I'm bound to that keeps my soul on this pitiful fucking rock. The hurtful memories of people who I thought loved me, what I would have done for them. Anything. Godamn, I would have died fighting for them. And I was nothing more than some fucking tool, ready to be put down and forgotten about as soon as the job was done. I don't want to live it anymore, and the fucking pain I carry with me is greater than any of you realize. I don't show it. None of you fucking see me crying do you? Happens all the fucking time. Happens when I go to the fucking bathroom at the bar. When I take a walk around the corner. I fucking break down, realize I am, fucking compose myself, blow some snotrockets, dry my eyes and jump right back into being silly and act like nothings wrong. Like I'm fucking invinceable. Mebbe on the outside motherfucker............ (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:33 am	Yeah, so fuck you. Fuck your stupid ideas about who or what the fuck you think i am. What I am is a misereable sack of human waste waiting to fucking expire. It feels like I can no longer tolerate this life at all. I'm so fucking hurt by how I've been treated by my "fellow man" that i can't take food from the hand that has beaten me too many times. Fuck all this shit. Fuck all of you. My seemingly neverending well of masochism is running dry. Which means life is losing it's flavor, like any of it wasn't artificial cherry #29 to begin with. I remember how it felt, so long ago, to be held, to be loved. And it was just some fucking lie. Just like me believing things will be ok, get better even. Yeah, WTF ever. I can tell myself a thousand times what I want to hear and it isn't any better than the shit that spills out from any of you. I can't escape what I am, and what I am will be my undoing. I can't even say I want to make a crater anymore. I use to want to go out in a blaze of glory. Now I just want to go. 24 years old, and all I want is for death to come and take me away from all of this. Well, at least I'm a third of the way there. Eat shit. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 13th, 2004
10:24 am	I get new eyes today. Rock. So when the hell izzit I'm supposed to feel ok with being alone? Ever since long before Cass left me I've had this hollow nasuea in my stomach. I try to fill it with friendships, lovers, music, booze, nothing seems to work. I'm guessing it's about time to dust off the gear and bring on the pain......... Been filing down my fangs for far too long. Time to let them grow back. Current Music: marylin manson - i put a spell on you (3:30) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 11th, 2004
11:23 am	Voting day in newmarket today, once again, time to vote down all of the towns stupid budget proposals. Yaay, my 2 cents worth of apple pie...... Fell off the wagon too. Don't think im gonna hop back on it, but I'm still going to take it easy in that department. Still waiting for someone I am actually attracted to to want me, Fat lot of good that does me. I seemed to have raised my standard to the point where I only desire what I can't possibly have :/ Fuck it, she's out there, and if she's anything like me, she's probably lonely as shit for the same fucking reason. On a wierd afterthought, I went 274 days without sex. 2+7+4 izz 13, into the 7th month. Both power numbers........ Tonight I go a raidin' in the boneyard, wazz going to get a fifth of cheap whiskey, but I think I'm going to stay pretty sober tonight, It's a hot day, think i want to actually just enjoy the night with my friends and bark at the moon....... K I'm done and i'm sure I'll see you bastards tonight... (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 10th, 2004
10:05 am	You little fucking scamps ;) Current Music: Opeth - Masters Apprentices (10:31) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 8th, 2004
6:35 am	Leigh was in my dream last nite. We were improving dead space at a show where a band did'nt show up. In my dream, I was so nervous, my hands moved soo fast, then as we were done with our set, backstage I grabbed him by the back of the head and woke up. Guess I missed the good part........ Trying to hide more often. I can't handle bieng social most times, if i go long enough without it, I quit whining about what I don't have and enjoy it.. Current Music: Opeth - The Moor (11:26) (Comment on this)
Friday, May 7th, 2004
7:18 am	I swear sleeping to tom waits makes me feel more tired than when i went to sleep. Godamn, all I can think about is sex the last couple of days. The next lucky girl ought to be in for one hell of a ride............. IF I EVER! Heh, yeah fucking right..... into my 7th month. AND FREEKIN THE FUCK OUT about it. I feel like a filthy addict. I'm my dreams I was copulating with some hot white skinned alien thing in a 1920's lion's claw bathtub filled with blood, staining her dreds and her skin, outlining her cold unfeeling solid black eyes ........ Now if only I could get me something like that........ Current Mood: Who what when where why? Current Music: Tom Waits - Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis (4:30) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 5th, 2004
2:11 am	God fuckin damn she catches my eye. others do too, but.... Fuck it. Stupid drives. Darwin will catch me while i'm deestracted with that shite for sure. Life is gay. People talk and I hear something else. Is this my problem or theirs? Bad, bad monkey. But your money is on it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 30th, 2004
12:19 am	Sso much meat...... Sso little desire. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 27th, 2004
5:39 pm	Bah! Fuck Everything. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 26th, 2004
3:27 am	KK No godamn hippie crap. Woot! Stuffs outta philthadelphia. Fuck that place! Yaay! Back home. Sneaking on to my folks nerd........ Thinking about having a ruacus ass june party for us gezzeminis and cancers....... my folks are supposed to sell the house soon so I wanna have one last bachanal or something. Heh, and that's what i get for raising my standards..>;P "Tough shit bitch, ya dun been shitted upon. Don't tell me I'm the only dogg dat's done shitted upon your lawn" (Comment on this)